不說話，是本來就內向，還是不想說

員工開會是不太說話的，員工都不說話怎麼辦？

夫妻相處久了，只玩手機或是只跟好友說話，夫妻沒話說了。 小朋友只願意打電動，不跟爸媽說話，不溝通。

上述的場景有沒有很熟悉？上述1~2個場景可能在您的生活中發生，是什麼原因造就了這個現象？

有些人可能想說，就是員工的問題，我都問他們了，他們就是不說話。

是另一半的問題，我試著要溝通，對方就是不想理。

我要跟小孩子溝通，他們就只想打電動。

想請問，到底用什麼方法「溝」、「通」？

是滔滔不絕地說，然後對方要回應時，就一直打斷對方，不斷地說想法。或是不打斷對方，讓對方把話說完。等對方說完後，還是只照著原本的想法繼續說。

抑或是

對方說想法時，得到的回應是「這樣做不對」、「這樣的想法是錯的」、「你還小、要聽我的」、「我的方法才正確」….. 這一切都是「為你好」

有沒有很熟悉上面的說法？

一次的「為你好」會覺得的確是為我好、兩次的「為你好」開始忍、三次的「為你好」繼續忍，等到10次、20次、50次「為你好」，是真的「為你好」，還是說的人想要的好？另外，這個「好」，是誰的好？

這樣的對話時間久了，誰想要說話？因為不管說什麼，都徒勞無功，只會聽到「為你好」這三個字。不照著做就是不對，只有照著做才會免於被批評。既然如此，何必說話，彼此間的信任降到最低。

中國人是很有智慧的，透過文字就在說名溝通要怎麼做。「溝」是水道，水道可以通向很多地方，水道可以是自然形成，也可以是人工所造。「通」字有很多的詮釋，動詞是往來、相關係，形容詞是全面的，也可以做量詞。

所以溝通是什麼？細小流水匯聚成水道，是多方面的。水道是可以通向很多地方，沒有說一定要到某個地方才是正確的。水道是多變的，可以是直的，可以是彎曲的，要看地勢而定。水道要順暢才不會堵塞。在溝通的過程中就猶如水道，要匯聚多方的資訊。與人對話是雙向有來有往，每個人的個性、狀況不同，在溝通時要看對方而有所調整，意見是一種想法，接不接受取決於聽的人，猶如水道可以流向各個地方。

在工作、夫妻和家庭中常常遇到溝通困難的情況，無論是不願意說話還是不被理解，溝通的關鍵在於雙方的互動和尊重。溝通就像水道，需要多方面的資訊匯聚，彎曲或直行取決於情況，但最重要的是保持順暢，並「尊重對方的想法」。

Employees are not very talkative during meetings. What should we do if employees don't speak?

Couples who have been together for a long time only play with their phones or talk to their friends, and they have nothing to say to each other. Children only want to play video games and don't communicate with their parents.

Are the above scenarios familiar to you? These may have happened in your life. What causes this phenomenon?

Some people may think it's the employees' problem. They have tried asking them, but they just don't speak.

It's the other half's problem. I have tried to communicate, but the other person doesn't want to listen.

I want to communicate with children, but they only want to play video games.

So, what methods to use to "communicate"?

Is it to talk incessantly, and when the other person wants to respond, keep interrupting them and continue expressing your own thoughts? Or not interrupt the other person and let them finish speaking, but then continue with your original thoughts?

Or

When the other person expresses their thoughts, the response received is "that's not right," "that idea is wrong," "you're still young, you should listen to me," "my method is correct"... everything is "for your own good."

Do these statements sound familiar?

The first time, "for your own good" feels like it is indeed for our own good. The second time, we start to tolerate it. The third time, we continue to tolerate it. And by the 10th, 20th, or 50th time, is it really "for our own good," or is it what the person saying it wants? Also, whose "good" is it?

After having conversations like this for a long time, who wants to speak? Because no matter what we say, it's futile. We only hear the words "for your own good." If we don't do things according to their instructions, it's considered wrong, and we will only avoid criticism by following their instructions. In that case, why bother speaking? The level of trust between each other is at its lowest.

The Chinese people are very wise, and through their writing, they explain how communication should be done. "Gou 溝" means waterway, which can lead to many places. Waterways can occur naturally or be created by humans. The character "tong 通" has many interpretations. As a verb, it means to interact, to relate. As an adjective, it means comprehensive, and it can also function as a measure word.

So what is communication? Small streams converge to form a waterway, which is multifaceted. A waterway can lead to many places, and it doesn't have to go to a specific place to be correct. Waterways are versatile. They can be straight or curved, depending on the terrain. Waterways need to flow smoothly to avoid blockages. In the process of communication, it is like a waterway, gathering information from multiple sources. Conversations with others are two-way, and each person has different personalities and situations. When communicating, we need to adjust according to the other person, and opinions are just ideas. Whether to accept or reject them depends on the listener, just like a waterway that can flow to various places.

In work, marriage, and family, we often encounter difficulties in communication, whether it's unwillingness to speak or a lack of understanding. The key to communication lies in the interaction and respect between both parties. Communication is like a waterway, it requires the convergence of diverse information, and whether it takes a curved or straight path depends on the situation. However, the most important thing is to maintain smoothness and "respect each other's ideas."